


flourishing

by greeneyesontheroad



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Hybrids, I think this is, Inequality, M/M, Slice of Life, and he's tattooed and pierced, jaemin's struggling :(, jeno is a cat hybrid
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-17
Updated: 2019-07-17
Packaged: 2020-06-30 02:10:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19843381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greeneyesontheroad/pseuds/greeneyesontheroad
Summary: the thing is, if someone asked jaemin to describe his first semester of college, he would use the word shocking instead. it's funny, because it's only been four months since the start of it.or:jaemin flourishes like a sunflower under jeno's light.





	flourishing

**Author's Note:**

> when i say nomin you say HELL YEAH! NOMIN!  
> this story started so HAPPY WHAT HAPPENED HERE? well i started it months ago when i was feeling happy and preppy and now i finished it thinking about so much bullshit. it's not actually that angsty, but jaemin is struggling and that, for me at least is kind of triggering. i just needed to write it and get it out of my chest, i don't even KNOW what this is.  
> jeno is just the angel he always is i love him sm ugh  
> i literally finished this, and no beta because i have spell check and it's 4 in the morning BUT I'LL GO OVER THIS LATER!
> 
> remember that english is not my first language!

considering the amount of time that has passed since candy crush was a cool game, it feels oddly old fashioned to think about how playing it always puts jaemin at ease before every soccer practice.  
  
it's dumb to still feel nervous when it has been three months since he got into the team, but jaemin has come to accept he's scared of making a fool of himself. he has never been _that_ good at sports, he just joined because mark and yukhei begged him to do it.   
  
it's okay! he's improving and has candy crush as the perfect placebo. so everyone wins: mark and yukhei have their best friend spending time with them every day from five to seven in the afternoon, yuta-their captain-now has a new water carrier guy for the times they actually play, and jaemin now has something other to do more than studying and telling himself he's not scared of his future. all wins, really.

  
-

  
as everyone knows, college is hard.   
  
the thing is, if someone asked jaemin to describe his first semester of college, he would use the word _shocking_ instead. it's funny, because it's only been four months since the start of it.  
  
for starters, he moved into a dorm. his first experience with freedom and, at first, jaemin was ecstatic. now, there's not a day that passes without him missing his mother's cooking and his father's advice.   
  
yukhei says that feeling is called homesickness, and it'll pass eventually. jaemin believes him, because he knows yukhei speaks from experience, having moved from hong kong a year before. he just wishes it would go away sooner than later, it's kind of awkward waking up every morning with a lump in his throat thanks to it.  
  
another thing that marked jaemin's semester are the difficulties of good time management. between his classes, practices with the team, keeping up with mark and yukhei, the time he invests studying and doing homework, his scheduled existential crises, and the time he needs to do normal human activities like eating and sleeping, jaemin feels like he's always holding his breath. always running from side to side. he's exhausted. but, hey! at least he's doing a good job for now, all he has to do is will his body to endure it until the semester is over. piece of cake.  
  
overall, there are many things that overwhelm jaemin. but jaemin—bright, mostly positive, and perseverant jaemin—has always been an easy-to-overwhelm person. his friend from high school, jungwoo, used to tell him it was because his feelings are always all over the place and, yeah. there's nothing but truth in that statement.  
  
but, the most shocking thing about the whole college experience lies in the fact that, now, jaemin goes to an actual educational institution with _hybrids_.  
  
don't get him wrong. jaemin has nothing against hybrids. as a matter of fact, he's actually marveled by the situation.  
  
as a human, jaemin knows as much about hybrids as every human does. he took a class about hybrid history back in high school and knows about the difficulties of being one, their rights, where did they come from (and it was so strange to learn about a bunch of people deciding to create life in that horrible way they were told by their professor), how their bodies work and many other things. but nothing compares to this.   
  
jaemin comes from a small town where hybrids are so rare that he never actually saw one until now. but, yeah. now, jaemin gets to breathe their same air, gets to see them walking around campus. sees them at the campus starbucks, and sometimes at the food court. sees them interact within themselves and with others. jaemin is not a creep, but he has always been so utterly interested in them.  
  
still, because these people came to be in a society where minorities are treated differently, there are some rules for them in campus; like, humans and hybrids don't share classes and clubs are usually made specially for them according to species, separated from human clubs. also, they are not allowed to play sports—which feels totally stupid to jaemin, but yuta explained to him that it had to do with the way the college would be represented when they had matches with other colleges. jaemin understands what he's saying, no college wants to be known for their hybrids, that's like, taboo.  
  
of course, another of those rules is that humans and hybrids do not room together. they have totally different buildings across each other in campus.  
  
all in all, jaemin hadn't had the chance to meet a hybrid, but that's perhaps for the best. god knows he'll die from embarrassment with his big mouth and tendency to say the most awkward stuff when he's nervous.  
  
that's it, until the real biggest shock of jaemin's first semester in college comes to his life. his name is lee jeno.

-

jaemin's running late to soccer practice on a friday when he sees him for the first time.   
  
he had lost the track of time, too immersed in his statistics homework, trying to avoid the feeling of anxiety that washed over him when he received his grade for his first test of the subject and got a 79. his brain chanting how he has to do better.  
  
he gets to the field, sweaty and out of breath. his bright brown hair a mess atop his head.   
  
the team is already jogging around the pitch, their coach shouting for them to put their heads into it.  
  
jaemin spots mark, trotting alongside yukhei, animatedly telling him something that makes him smile. jaemin raises his hand and yukhei notices him, tells mark. both of them wave back.  
  
jaemin takes a minute to calm down, now his usual nerves starting to catch him up. then, walks to where the coach stands, just to let him know he's here.  
  
coach moon is always chill, even when he angrily scolds the team for being lazy. so, he nods at jaemin calmly, orders him to warm up and take a seat on the bench.  
  
for jaemin, to warm up without the others feels embarrassing, like they're gonna laugh at him for doing something dumb. that's why he decides to stretch on the farthest corner of the field, so nobody can see him.  
  
getting there, he notices from afar somebody lying on the grass, a backpack by their side and dark jeans. the closer he gets, the more he's able to distinguish the figure.  
  
it's a boy, and it looks like he's sleeping.  
  
jaemin, a curious soul, ends up standing by his side. and oh. wow.  
  
this guy is the most handsome creature jaemin has ever witnessed (and _that_ says something, like, he's friends with wong yukhei)  
  
he has a facial structure to die for. high cheeks and nose, thin pink lips, strong eyebrows. shiny piercings decorating some places. he's wearing a black beanie that covers his ears and a pale orange long-sleeved shirt. he looks so peaceful, his chest rising with every breath he takes.  
  
jaemin stands there, above the guy. he wonders, did he find an angel? what the hell is happening? and can do nothing more than stare and stare, his arms hanging awkwardly by his sides. he kind of wants to touch the guy just to see if this vision is real, but. no. that'd be weird as fuck.

the guy stirs and he opens his eyes so fast jaemin has no time to move so he doesn't seem as creepy as he knows he's being. the boy's eyebrows shoot up to his hairline, a brief look of panic crosses his eyes for a moment. he raises to his elbows; a hand goes to rub his left eye.  
  
jaemin takes three steps back. face burning from being caught standing there like an asshole watching another human being sleep.  
  
"what...?" the boy says groggily, notoriously confused.  
  
jaemin panics, "i'm sorry! you were lying there and I came here to warm up. I didn't mean to disturb you!"  
  
the boy furrows his brows, "warm up?"   
  
"yeah" jaemin nods, "coach told me to warm up and sit on the bench" he explains, pointing to where the team is now in a circle talking, most likely dividing themselves to play a game.  
  
"oh!" the guy smiles, "you're part of the soccer team. that's so cool" he says, his voice soft and honest.  
  
jaemin is dumbstruck. how's this person not freaked out about finding a total stranger watching him sleep? he can just nod, trying to figure out what to do next.

the boy promptly ignores him, starts to gather his belongings and gets up and—oh, wait. wait a second. oh lord. he has a tail. this boy has a long black tail attached to his body. a tail. jaemin gapes.

“good luck on your practice” he says, starts walking away from the field in the general direction of the food court.

there are a million reasons why jaemin knows he shouldn’t do what he’s about to do, and he’s sure that, when he’s not in the middle of the adrenaline rush that this situation has caused in him, he’s going to want to kill himself, but. he just does it. “wait!” he says, louder than he should have. god damn.

the boy turns around, a curious glint on his eyes, “yes?”

jaemin swallows dryly, “you… have a tail?” alright! that sounded accusing as fuck! well done dumb fuck!

the guy frowns, “yeah…” he answers, his face giving away just how awkward that phrase made him.

jaemin wants to explode. “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to sound like that! I’m just surprised!” then he tries to fix it, “I mean! I know I shouldn’t be surprised, it’s not like it’s weird? don’t get me wrong, I’m not opposed to hybrids. I like you guys! it’s cool to be an animal and all” oh my god. did he just. say. that.

“excuse me?” the boy says, an edge to his voice, his face literally screams disgust. _same,_ jaemin thinks.

jaemin bites his lip and lowers his gaze, takes a deep breath and tries to talk through his shame, there’s no way he’s being this terrible to a guy he’s never met before. “I am sorry” he tries again, “please ignore me. I’m a nervous asshole. I’m just tired, I literally thought you were an angel when I saw you lying there. I just wanted to know your name, but I can’t speak without being stupid” there’s a lump the size of jupiter in his chest. way to fucking go.

the weird thing is, he expects the guy to just leave and ignore what just happened, maybe go and badmouth him around the campus, but then he’s speaking. “it’s lee jeno”

jaemin raises his gaze, there’s a timid smile on jeno’s face, he has the beanie he was wearing in one hand as he combs his hair with the other, and now jaemin can see a cute set of black ears on top of his head. his heart throbs from the cuteness of it all.

“and I’m no angel, just a cat” jeno adds, jaemin nods dumbly again.

there’s a moment of quietness when jaemin tries to figure out how to proceed next, but then he hears coach moon calling for their water carrier, and jaemin has to go.

jeno looks curiously to the field, “shouldn’t you…” and makes a motion with his hands.

“yeah, I’m just gonna… yeah”

jeno smiles, “well then, pleasure to meet you” and just like that he’s gone, walking away.

jesus christ. did that just really happen? did he just literally make a fool of himself in front of the cutest boy—cat—catboy—no, boy he has ever seen?

he sits on the bench after he has given water to every member of the team, ignoring mark’s and yukhei’s questions about what the hell was he doing, and after he realizes he didn’t even give jeno his name, and then noticing how he didn’t even ask, he just _knows_ that this is going to bother him for a long, long time.

-

jaemin is lying on mark and yukhei’s bedroom floor, a week later, when the embarrassment of what happened with jeno on the soccer field comes to him like a tidal wave.

mark is doing his mandarin homework as he complains to yukhei about how he is the worst boyfriend ever because he, a mandarin speaker, refuses to help him. yukhei just ignores him in favor of searching for a good twice fanfic.

“how’s it that you’re there, reading that stuff instead of telling me how to read this freaking word? I hate you, xuxi” mark says, frustration obvious in his tone.

“look, do you know when was the last time I had time to read some good samo? I miss my girls! I need my dose of-“

“hey. guys” jaemin interrupts, when the shame he’s harboring inside takes the best of him and begs him to confess his sins.

“if you were gonna say gay, wong xuxi, I swear I will destroy you” marks finishes. “yes, jaem?” yukhei gags and sticks his tongue out for mark.

okay, jaemin wants to laugh at that comment. but, yeah, the burning sensation of doom approaching is a little more urgent. “ok. so, I did something bad”

yukhei immediately launches himself into a poor rendition of taylor swift’s I did something bad and, again, jaemin wants to laugh but. “no. seriously”

mark kicks yukhei’s shin from his position on the bed and yukhei let’s out a loud _oof!_ “what is it, jaem? are you okay?” mark asks.

“I am not okay, but really, when am I okay?” jaemin answers, noticing just how dark he made what he’s about to tell sound, like, he’s totally aware of how stupid this is but it truly makes him want to puke when he thinks about it.

mark frowns and yukhei put his hand on jaemin’s shoulder “so tell us?” xuxi prompts.

and he does, jaemin tells them all about how he acted like a piece of garbage in front of the cutest boy ever and literally made himself not only a fool but came out like a bigot, a redneck, an asshole, a-

“what the fuck. stop right there!” yukhei says, his and mark’s faces horrified, “what the hell are you even talking about?”

“weren’t you hearing the story?” jaemin asks, hopeless.

“jaemin… what…” mark starts, “why would you think all that? you didn’t fuck up that bad! and from what I heard the guy even seemed chill about it?”

“weren’t you… listening to me?” jaemin repeats slowly, as if the first time he wasn't understood.

yukhei sighs. “jaemin, we have talked about this. this is _not_ as bad as you think it is”, he tries, his hand now on jaemin’s neck, warm and comforting. “things are never as bad as you think they are, jaem” he says, like an afterthought.

jaemin lowers his gaze, ashamed just thinking about it again. “xuxi, you weren’t there…”

“yeah, me neither but I can like triple bet that xuxi is right. jaem, please don’t make this a bigger deal than it is” mark says.

jaemin wants to keep arguing, but he knows that mark and yukhei are never going to say he’s right. they have had this conversation a million times before, when something small triggers jaemin and he transforms it into a web of terrible things, creates a big situation out of nothing. so, he agrees instead. “yeah, you’re right. how silly of me”

mark frowns, “it’s not silly, your feelings are never silly, jaem”

“yeah, sorry”

jaemin suspects that they don’t believe him, but they try to change the topic instead. “what if we order some pizza? or chicken? or better yet, pizza and chicken? what do you say, guys?” yukhei suggest happily, the moon is high on the sky, jaemin knows he should go and sleep so he can be productive tomorrow, but he really, really doesn’t want to go.

“sound great!” mark answers, and jaemin nods softly, murmurs a soft _sure_.

later, when the pizza and the chicken are only a memory and their tummies are full, after yukhei has fallen asleep on the bed with his head on mark’s shoulder while they were watching a movie, mark says “if it bothers you so much” he whispers quietly, making jaemin pay attention “find him and apologize once more”

that’s… actually a good idea.

_oh shit,_ jaemin thinks, _here we go again._

_-_

ok well, jaemin did think mark’s idea was great. it’s just. is he really capable of facing this boy again and saying something less shitty? there’s a part of him that’s screaming for him to realize that this isn’t that big of a deal and that he should totally forget it, but every time he sees a hybrid around campus it’s like a slap to his face. there’s a guy somewhere that thinks he’s the worst of the worst—or at least that’s what jaemin’s mind makes him believe. so, he’s not actively searching (where does he even start?!) but he’s thinking of doing it.

and then, it’s jeno who comes to him.

as every club on campus, there is one for humans and one for hybrids. normally, the hybrid clubs are mostly integrated by what are catalogued as _the most aggressive species_ , lions and bears—or that's what the rumors say—but recently many other types of hybrid have gotten into the them. of course, there are clubs that are really popular around campus, and others that are overlooked by students; the human debate club, for example, is not really popular, which means that the hybrid one is really, really unpopular. yukhei, forever the intellectual, says that nobody wants to see conceited people argue about banal topics, and he’s right. the human debate club only debates about superficial things and nobody really goes to see their debates.

the thing is, the hybrid debate club has been trying all semester to be recognized. has put flyers all over every building of college, has been creating contests, some of them have performed some gigs on campus, and overall they've been trying to get people to pay attention to their work.

and that’s how jaemin finds himself face to face with jeno again.

he’s leaving the library after a rough session of studying (who the hell decided that he should take statistics as a mandatory subject?!), and he’s honestly ready to take a bath and spend his night reading some manga, when a voice calls him.

“hey! would you like a flyer? the hybrid debate club is having a gig on sunday after their last debate of the semester!”

jaemin is not really interested, but to ignore this person would be just plain rude. he pauses and turns around as he focuses on untangling his headphones the best he can with only one hand, “thank you” he says as he accepts the flyer.

“you’re welcome. I hope to see you there, stranger” there’s something about the way that that is phrased that catches jaemin’s attention and he lifts his head immediately to look at the person and—oh my god.

“oh my god. it’s you” jaemin says, eloquent as ever.

jeno smiles, and jaemin notices that he has a pretty neat smile. cute. aggressively brilliant. okay.

“it is me. how have you been?” jeno says, a hint of teasing on his voice.

“I’ve been. I’ve been fine!” he answers crossing his arms on his chest, trying to protect himself, even if he’s not sure against what.

jeno hums, “that’s nice” he answers, his eyes literally sparkle under the shitty hallway lights. and, again there they are, an awkward silence falls over them. “I should go” jeno continues, “I need to keep giving flyers and everything, y’know”

but. no. jaemin can’t just let him _go_. this is literally his opportunity. “wait!” and it is like a déjà vu, jeno’s black hair is messy, his tail is curiously wrapped around his left leg, and interestingly enough he’s wearing another long-sleeved t-shirt (in fact, it’s a pink fuzzy sweater but, technicalities), he turns around and jaemin launches himself into an impromptu speech that he absolutely hopes he won’t regret later (unlikely).

“look. I just want you to know that I’m truly, utterly, totally, completely sorry about what happened the other day, I don’t know you and you don’t know me and I just disrespected you like that and I swear I’m not the trashy, stupid, bigot, old fashioned, imbecile, totally pitiful idiot you think I am. I’m just so sorry, I was just super shocked because I had never met a hybrid and you were just there! I just. sorry. for being an asshole. yeah” he finishes, his neck and ears hot.

jeno looks totally caught off base, his eyes wide and his brows furrowed. jaemin notices his ears lie against his head, and for a moment he wonders what kind of emotion is going through him for that to happen, then gets increasingly nervous and regretful as the seconds pass.

he’s about to keep going, and just beg this time for jeno to not think terribly of him, but jeno makes a confused face and wonders out loud. “damn, are you always this hard on yourself?”

jaemin splutters, “what?”

“bro” jeno says, takes a step forward, then another, and then he is close enough to put his hand on jaemin’s shoulder. jaemin trembles inside. “what are you even saying? it wasn’t that bad! I don’t think you’re any of the things you just said”

“but-“

“what’s your name?” jeno continues, “you know mine but yours is a mystery to me”

“na jaemin” he enunciates, “you didn’t ask for my name back then. it’s na jaemin” there’s something unexpectedly thrilling about jeno asking for his name, jaemin takes it as kind of a friendly gesture. _jeno doesn’t hate me._

“na jaemin. you already said sorry that day, please stop doing it. it’s a pleasure, as I said before” he smiles, open and calming, friendly and forgiving. jaemin is dying to know him better.

“are you part of the debate club?” he questions in a whim. jeno’s hand is not on his shoulder anymore, instead he’s taking his phone out of his pocket.

_wait a second did he just ask the most obvious thing ever? is he ever going to stop embarrassing himself is there a limit for his dumb-_

“oh, not at all! my friend is part of it, and he asked me to help him to give some flyers away. man, he’s so good! you should really go to their debate, wanna know the topic?” jeno sounds like the proudest guy ever. jaemin nods enthusiastically, surprised of just how talkative jeno is being. “it’s actually a surprise but they’re debating about how us hybrids should fight for equality. like, donghyuck’s team—that’s my friend, his name’s donghyuck. his team’s position is that we should never act using violence as our weapon. he’s so cool, the debate team is super cool”

jaemin doesn’t know what to say. it sounds interesting and like a true intellectual debate, and it’s exciting not only the way jeno talks about it, but just the mere idea of going and watching that sounds great. “count me in! sounds super interesting!” and, it looks like those were the magic words because jeno fucking beams in front of him, and jaemin _melts_.

jeno looks like he’s going to keep talking when his phone rings, an apologetic look on his face as he makes a gesture for jaemin to wait. “hyuckie. yes, I’m working hard” he says as he separates himself a little from jaemin at the door of the library.

that’s when jaemin comes to his senses. _is this a fucking fever dream? am I astral projecting?_ there’s no way in hell jaemin literally just had this conversation. there’s no way this guy whom he called a freaking _animal_ doesn’t hate him.

that’s it, jaemin was right, jeno’s an angel.

maybe mark and yukhei were right. maybe he was overreacting… but jaemin is conscious that he’s a drama queen, so he’s just glad that jeno doesn’t want to kick his ass all the way to the next century.

he’s standing there in the hallway, his headphones in one hand and one of the handles of his backpack and the flyer jeno handed him in the other. a voice in his head reminds him that he should go and, even if he had plans of doing nothing, he should get to work on his greek history assignment, though he still has a week until the deadline.

jeno comes back quickly, a deep frown on his face. jaemin bites his lip and frowns too. “are you okay?”

jeno looks at him like he had forgotten he was there, and his face changes from what jaemin can only describe as angry to a strained smile. “um. sure. I really need to go right now; my friend had a problem with some assholes, and I need to help him”

jaemin understands and he wishes jeno good luck and hopes he can help his friend, totally on a daze with just how good things turned out, and they both part ways at the entry of the building.

it’s only when jaemin is halfway done with his modern civilizations homework and his phone tells him that it’s already past one in the morning that he notices that he doesn’t even know what’s jeno’s major, or his number, or literally has any clue to find him again.

ah, the sweetness of getting something new to stress about. jaemin switches from his _you better work, bitch_ to his _emo to the extremo_ playlist (which literally starts with over again by one direction and, ouch, okay then) and decides to wallow in deception until he falls asleep. there’s time to finish his assignment later.

-

finals week is approaching so quickly and surreptitiously that jaemin thinks he’s ready to throw himself off the tallest building on campus when he realizes he’s three weeks away from the start of it.

he soccer team has three games left to finish the season and, even though jaemin has not played in a single one of the matches, he can’t help but be nervous. now practices are longer, and they consume so much of jaemin’s time that he just wants to quit and go fix his grades.

(“jaem, your grades are literally amazing. stop worrying that much!”

“xuxi, telling jaemin to stop worrying about things like that is like fueling him” mark says when yukhei tries to make him feel better. jaemin tsks, but only because he hates that he knows just how right mark is).

it’s tuesday and jaemin is having an especially bad day. he woke up late, so he was late for english class and didn’t hear the explanation about how to use the second conditional and, yeah, he has mark to help him but why is he so _lazy?_ he wouldn’t need to bother mark with his dumb questions if he just wasn't. then, came his statistics class, which was incredibly terrible today, just because. then, he went to the library to work on some homework and he forgot that time existed as a societal convention, again. and now he’s late to the soccer practice, _again_.

luckily, coach moon isn’t there when he arrives to the field, so everyone is talking and waiting. yukhei and mark are sitting on the bench as mark helps yukhei to put on a headband. jaemin can’t hear them, but he _knows_ that mark is telling yukhei to cut his hair if it bothers him so much (even if he secretly adores his boyfriend’s long hair).

yuta intercepts jaemin when he’s on his way to the bench. “hey! if it isn’t my favorite boy!” he smiles widely. jaemin panics immediately. this sounds like the introduction of asking for a favor, and he doesn’t have the _time_.

“hi, yuta hyung” jaemin answers courteously, reminding himself that this is his captain. if he needs help, jaemin ought to give it to him.

“how have you been, jaeminnie? how’s the semester treating you?”

ugh. jaemin hates this small talk. he so wants to roll his eyes at yuta and just ask him what the hell he wants. “it’s been great, hyung!” he responds instead, cringing at himself.

“that’s amazing! i expected nothing less from our team’s water carrier boy” yuta says, he has been walking alongside jaemin since he appeared and jaemin notices that yuta’s taking him in the direction of the food court. they pass the exact place where jaemin met jeno, and suddenly jaemin remembers why he has been angsting for two weeks straight, since the last saw him. ah, the grounding pressure of having something to complain and feel sad about. “I need to ask you for a favor” yuta says, jaemin thinks he has been talking but he was too lost in thought to know for sure.

“what is it?”

“go to the gardening club and get them to give you a bouquet. you choose the flowers; I’m trusting you have good taste? please do have good taste, this is literally the most important thing ever to me” yuta says. the thing about yuta is that he’s authoritative and snarky. sassy and unapologetic. he orders, doesn’t ask, but the way he’s telling jaemin to do this is incredibly vulnerable, he’s not asking, but he’s not exactly ordering. jaemin’s too surprised to, as the curious soul he is, not freaking ask about it.

“what? why?”

yuta looks at him kind of thrown off guard, jaemin thinks he wasn’t expecting to be questioned. “um” yuta doubts, “today is my mine and my boyfriend’s anniversary. I’m kinda broke and I talked to his friend from the gardening club so he would help me, but I need to go to practice, so I really need your help”

there’s the bubbling sensation in jaemin’s chest caused by the need to freaking _awwwwwww_ out loud. lord, jaemin loves cute things so fucking much; he smiles instead, knows his captain won’t appreciate it if he gets all mushy on him. “I don’t know where the gardening club is located” he tells him, and then “is coach moon okay with me skipping practice?”

yuta smiles brightly, less threatening like it was before, more genuine, “you’ll help me?”

jaemin smiles at him, too, “sure, just tell me where to go!”

-

surprisingly enough, the gardening club is behind the food court. jaemin is not one to explore, so he really only knows where the things he’s interested in are located: the library, his dorm building, the faculty of science and arts, his classrooms, and, of course, the food court.

it’s not a building but a small vivarium, the walls are all made of crystal and he can see some people working there from the outside, many flowers and plants everywhere.

he enters and immediately tries to find the person yuta told him to look for. there’s a girl standing close to the door. jaemin goes to ask her.

“um. hello! I’m looking for renjun?” he asks quickly, then beats himself over not being polite enough. “sorry. sorry! I mean, hello! how are you? my name is na jaemin, I’m looking for renjun?” he tries again.

the girl turns around, an amused smile adorns her face. “it’s okay! I’m yuqi, and you don’t need to go all polite machine on me. renjun is at the back! follow the row of white flowers”

jaemin thanks her and goes just as she told her, following the white flowers.

the farther he walks, the closer he starts hearing a soft hum accompanied by a pretty voice. jaemin recognizes the song immediately. _oh my god, somebody is singing tonight by zayn in the middle of this flower garden. who the hell?_

two boys enter his line of sight. one of them is watering some sunflowers and the other is doing what looks like counting seeds. the one counting is the one humming as the other sings. it kind of feels... like he’s interrupting something precious, and jaemin’s romantic self isn’t sure if he wants to let these boys keep this moment or to help yuta, and then he spots it. those boys both have cute little ears at the top of their heads, and oh! is this a hybrid club? but the girl from before looked human? is she even part of the club?

lost in thought, jaemin doesn’t notice when someone stands by his side. “what are you doing here, na jaemin?”

jaemin nearly jumps out of his skin, a very loud squeak leaves his mouth and alerts not only the two boys from before but scares his companion. “what! who screamed like a mouse! jeno, is it you?!” the boy watering the sunflowers asks.

jaemin nearly explodes when he realizes. _jeno._

jeno is holding jaemin from his waist, trying to balance him after he almost falls because of the surprise. jeno is smiling, a teasing smile that makes his eyes crinkle. jaemin’s heart runs wild. “jeno” he says out of breath.

“I’m really surprised to see you here, so I thought of surprising you! but okay, bad idea. sorry!” jeno explains. “yes, hyuckie! it was me!” he says loudly to answer the boy from before.

“jeno, are you crazy?! jun dropped all the seeds he was organizing, you bitch!”

jeno makes a face to jaemin “oops” then puts a finger in front of his mouth “let’s keep it a secret so hyuck doesn’t kill you, yeah?”

“yeah… yeah, of course!” jaemin says, trying to grasp the situation.

jeno lets go of his waist and invites him to the room, then introduces him to his “best bros”, _damn, what kind of dude-bro straight wording is that?_ jaemin thinks, but it's jeno, so it’s actually very endearing. today, jeno’s wearing a short-sleeved t-shirt and jaemin notices that he has a full tattoo sleeve on his right arm. so cute and hot, huh.

“renjun and hyuckie are the co-presidents of the gardening club, you see. I’m just here because they asked me to” jeno tells him.

“hey! you have like a freaking green thumb; besides you help us when something breaks. we need you here!” renjun says.

“oh, my friends also asked me to join their club! the difference is that I’m totally trashy, I don’t know how to play soccer” jaemin blurts out of nowhere, having caught on the fact that they have that in common and then making a fool when he tried to establish it as common ground. he blushes, “I. I mean. you know. yeah” he laughs awkwardly.

donghyuck and renjun look at him with surprised expressions, but jeno frowns a little, by now, jaemin has noticed that the piercing on jeno’s eyebrow looks really great when he frowns. “aw. don’t say that! I’m sure you’re not that bad!”

jaemin laughs awkwardly again, and renjun and donghyuck back jeno up. “yeah!” donghyuck says “I’m sure it isn’t as bad as you think” and oh, that reminds him of mark and makes him smile.

“thank you” jaemin says, wanting to leave this topic behind, “you should go and see the team play, I’m on the bench but there are many wonderful players”

“renjun hates sports, but we can convince him. he has a friend on the team!” jeno says, and jaemin suddenly remembers why he’s there.

“renjun!” jaemin says, “yuta hyung sent me here for you! he said you were gonna help him with a bouquet”

renjun smiles “oh, oh! of course! let’s get creative. sicheng ge is gonna love what I have in mind”

when the bouquet is done, with hues of orange and yellow and pink, jeno insists on walking with him to the field. and they talk and talk about flowers until they stop at the farthest corner of the field, right where they met, even if jeno doesn’t realize it.

it’s dark outside, so practice should be about to finish, and jaemin wishes he could keep talking to jeno for a bit longer. but he _knows_ he needs to go and give the bouquet to yuta and then go study.

jeno changes the topic and starts talking about one of his classes, and that prompts jaemin to ask him what his major is.

“sociology! I minor in philosophy, too” jeno says excitedly, “what’s yours?”

jaemin is amazed. cute, hot, smart, and cares about society. _damn, is it that serious, jeno?_ jaemin wonders how they haven’t shared a class, but then he remembers that humans and hybrids just don’t move in the same circles, he saddens a little. “liberal arts, and my minor is law”

“that sounds super cool! we actually could share some classes! if I wasn’t—you know, a cat and everything. but that’s super cool!” what stands out of what jeno just said is that he doesn’t sound sad at all. god knows jaemin would have lived a live full of anxiety and dread if he was like jeno. in fact, he lives a life full of anxiety and stress even if he has it all... but maybe that’s, like, a conclusion too out of place to get out of a single conversation. he doesn’t really know jeno, which reminds him…

jeno keeps talking about his classes when jaemin interrupts him, “hey. do you think you can give me your number?” he says without giving it too much thought, he knows well where overthinking would take him.

jeno gives him an odd look, a shy smile accompanied by a scrunch of his nose. the piercing on his nose is different from the last time he saw him. “sure, pass me your phone”

jeno sends a message to himself from jaemin’s phone and takes a silly selfie of himself for jaemin to put as contact photo.

jaemin wants to stay with him talking all night but it iss jeno the one who tells him that he has to go, “I actually have two tests tomorrow, but now you have my number, and also know where to find me. come by anytime you want, nana. see you later!”

nana.

na-na.

na…na.

_nana._

you know the fuck what? scratch everything, today has been a great day.

(fun fact for those wondering, sicheng does love the bouquet and yuta vows to buy renjun lunch as sicheng smooches him to next sunday).

-

jaemin was, as a matter of fact, very, very against the idea of bothering jeno. like, having his number was not a free pass to be an annoying idiot. and it’s not like jeno actually wants to talk to him. jaemin took the time to convince himself that jeno was just being kind and gave his number to a total stranger just because.

contrary to whatever jaemin believed, jeno texts him the next day at noon.

**lee jeno (12:21)**

can you believe that my two professors postponed the tests?

the ones I told you about yesterday

am I blessed or cursed?

jaemin preens. and it starts like that.

for the next two weeks, jaemin spends his time angsting over finals week looming over him like a death sentence, crying over statistics, missing his home back in busan, complaining to mark and yukhei about how the wather it’s getting hotter and hotter, and overall being like those sunflowers donghyuck tends in the vivarium under jeno’s attention, glowing and growing under his light.

they meet at least twice a week and spend everyday talking and talking about everything and anything that comes to their minds. jeno is just… so in tune with him. they share opinions on many topics and discuss the ones that they don’t. they challenge each other’s minds and jaemin _lives_ for that.

it is so obvious that yukhei asks him about it on their weekly pizza night.

jaemin is laughing at his phone as mark ties yukhei’s hair into a small ponytail, and yukhei has been trying for at least ten minutes to get jaemin’s attention to ask him if the wants the last slide if pizza.

“huh?” jaemin asks, a little disoriented to find himself in mark and yukhei’s dorm when he finally hears yukhei. jeno is telling him about the differences between ballet and chinese traditional dance after they started talking about cultural expressions of art. “sorry, xuxi. what’s up?”

“what’s up? _what’s up with you?_ you’ve been glued to that phone since you came here. don’t you love us anymore?” he pouts, “I was asking if I can eat the last pizza slide”

“mhmm. sure, do that” jaemin mumbles, going back to his phone.

both mark and yukhei squint at that. mark gets up and takes jaemin’s phone from his hands. “okay, spill. _what’s up, jaem?_ ”

jaemin blushes and adverts marks eyes, “nothing! nothing”

yukhei hums, “are you sure?”

and jaemin, forever oversharer jaemin, blurts everything out. from the moment he met jeno (even though the already knew that) to him asking jeno for his number.

it’s funny, looking at mark and yukhei get into his story. they ask questions and exclaim loudly at the right times and, okay. jaemin loves gushing with them.

“oh my god! jaemin! this is amazing!” yukhei cheers. “I’m totally writing a baekyeol fanfic about this! picture it: slow burn, friends to lovers, maybe some steamy smut” yukhei smirks, raising his eyebrows suggestively.

“xuxi!” jaemin laughs as he covers his face with a pillow.

mark laughs so loudly he stops making any sound, his face all red of joy. “xuxi. xuxi” he pants between cackles, “is jaem baekhyun or chanyeol?”

“I haven’t decided! all I know is that this is long-fanfic-worthy!”

jaemin feels so delighted. there’s something healing about laughing with his friends. he wonders if jeno would like to meet them.

“okay, okay” mark says when he’s not about to die from laughing. “what are you gonna do to get this boy?” he asks.

jaemin smiles peacefully, “absolutely nothing”

yukhei and mark both make the same face and jaemin thinks it’s the most hilarious thing ever.

“what?!” yukhei complains. “how’s that??”

“I don’t think he likes me” jaemin starts, “he’s totally a dude-bro straight boy”

“yukhei is a dude-bro, too!” mark says, a soft _hey_ escapes from yukhei’s mouth, “and that doesn’t stop him from being gayest than gay!”

yukhei nods beside him, a super serious look on his face.

“nah, guys. jeno’s different” jaemin comments offhandedly.

“why is he different, though? is he like… homophobic?” yukhei asks, scandalized.

“no!” jaemin denies immediately, “why would you assume that! I’m pretty sure his two best friends are dating each other, and he’s totally okay with that”

“I mean. then why is he different? have you asked him?” mark proposes.

“why would I do that? I’m completely fine with things the way they are right now. yes, I have a big fat crush on him since I saw him for the first time because he looks like an angel… a hot pierced and tatted angel, but. anyways. and yeah, he’s nicer than nice and an actual intellectual and lovely and kind and-“ mark and yukhei look at him with their eyebrows raised. jaemin stops talking. he bites his lip and then realizes:

“oh my god, I have to get this guy” jaemin panics.

see, there’s a difference between knowing and accepting that you have a crush and realizing that you’re neck deep into an infatuation as strong and suffocating as jaemin is.

really, panicking is just part of the conventional epiphany-having procedure.

-

finals week rolls in and jaemin has never been this utterly destroyed before. he’s taking six courses, and all his finals are scheduled between monday and wednesday. the weekend before he slept a hot total of five hours and took at least fifty cups of his favorite coffee order—venti iced americano, no water with 4 extra espresso shots, which every single one of his friends call a death drink—and studied so much his head hasn’t stopped hurting a second since friday. he hasn’t talked to anyone since friday, either. but jeno has been sending him some cute photos of cats and has been cheering for him. by wednesday afternoon, after he finishes his last final, he’s dead. he can’t concentrate and everything he does feels like it’s automatic. that morning, jeno sent him a good luck text and asked him in which building his last final was.

jaemin hadn’t thought anything about that in that moment, too busy trying to remember if it was pericles or emperor caligula the one that was part of the delian league (or was he confusing the topics?). but then, he walks out the door of the science and arts faculty and there is jeno holding a pink cupcake and a coffee. jaemin suddenly feels alive.

“jaemin!” jeno greets, “I was wondering if you last final ate you or what” he pouts. jaemin swoons.

“I’m. I’m dead. was pericles a roman emperor? please tell me he wasn’t, I’ve got so much information in my brain. I’m sure I failed” jaemin rants, the lack of sleep kind of makes him feel as if he were drunk.

jeno smiles “don’t be hard on yourself, nana. pericles was greek. you did well, I’m sure you passed everything with flying colors” jeno extends his arms and gives jaemin the cupcake and coffee. “I bought this for you, you’ve worked so hard. you deserve this, nana”

jaemin takes the gifts and looks at jeno cautiously, remembers that conversation about jeno with yukhei and mark, and his whole body gets hot at the little gesture. jaemin, forever impulsive jaemin, gets closer and gives jeno a kiss on the cheek, followed by a soft _thank you, jen_.

jeno looks dumbfounded when jaemin steps back, his human ears red contrasting with the silver piercings on it, and his cat ears perked atop of his head. he’s just so _cute_.

“um. okay. okay. yes, nana. it’s nothing” he stutters. jaemin smiles, he’s too tired to overthink jeno’s reaction, he can beat himself over it later.

“wanna go nap in my dorm?” jaemin proposes, and jeno nods dumbly.

“sure. sound lovely”

when jaemin wakes up at midnight, his body sore but refreshed, he looks at jeno still napping by his side and his heart fucking _wooshes_ in his chest.

it’s not their first nap together (in fact, it’s their third) but jaemin can’t help but admire the way his cat ears twitch once in a while and his tail is wrapped around jaemin’s thigh, and jaemin is so dying to touch him. to pet his ears, caress his neck, kiss his cheeks and lips and that cute mole on his cheekbone. jeno sighs in his sleep and jaemin gives in and leaves a soft kiss on his cheek.

he goes back to sleep with an excited heart.

-

the last soccer match of the season is on friday, and jaemin invites jeno and his friends to watch it. jaemin doesn’t play, but jeno, donghyuck, renjun and him cheer for mark and yukhei throughout the game, and it’s no surprise that their team wins. the bleachers go wild and everyone laughs and cries and screams. yukhei grabs mark in the middle of the field and kisses him square on the mouth in front of everyone, and there’s an ecstatic atmosphere around them that jaemin can’t help but join.

in the locker room, coach moon congratulates all of them, including jaemin, which surprises him because, come on. he’s the water carrier and has done virtually nothing for the team, but everyone agrees with coach moon and congratulates him, too.

mark and yukhei can’t seem to stay a centimeter away from each other and everyone wolf-whistles when yukhei says that they’ll go first. jaemin just laughs and laughs, excitement and adrenaline making him happy.

jeno is waiting for him on the bleachers with his arms open for a hug when he catches jaemin’s eyes. “good job, water boy!” he exclaims. since wednesday, jeno has started to become more and more physical with him. now he hugs jaemin at any opportunity given and even kissed his cheek when he left jaemin’s dorm on thursday, and. don’t get him wrong, jaemin loves it. he’s just hoping he’s not projecting his feelings and getting this wrong.

the match was early in the morning, so now is just the afternoon and jaemin has nothing left to do. maybe he could ask jeno to go for ice cream, or they could go and eat some starbucks muffins and talk or.

“hey, nana. wanna go back to my dorm?” jeno asks casually. and jaemin agrees happily.

it’s when they’re standing outside jeno’s dorm building that jaemin notices that this is his first time going to jeno’s dorm—no, wait. this is his first time ever going to the hybrid part of the campus.

theoretically, because hybrids and humans are not to be mixed, the hybrid side of the campus has everything the human side has, their own food court and convenience store, their own class buildings and dorms. in fact, the only thing that is located in the human side of are the clubs, and still they’re segregated. for a second he thinks of the sheer luck he had when it comes to meeting jeno, it kind of makes him anxious, thinking of how things could’ve been different.

jeno’s talking about how renjun and donghyuck finally presented their duet to their vocal coach (tonight, by zayn. that’s why they were singing it that day he met them) and how happy the woman was when she heard them.

when they enter to the room, the first thing jaemin notices is that there are two bed on opposites side of the room, both against the wall. jaemin recognizes jeno’s side of the room easily though. there are three cacti forming a line on the windowsill, and a bamboo by their side. there are posters of kendrick lamar and taylor swift and my chemical romance, a few photos of him with hyuck and renjun on a shelf. the bed is neatly made and there’s a rug in the form of a fluffy cat by its side, on the nightstand there’s a blister pack of pink pills. _that_ makes jaemin curious.

jaemin, forever talkative and curious jaemin, says “this room is so you. I didn’t know you had a roommate. are you sick?”

jeno smiles. “I decorated it, of course’s so me! yeah, his name is jaehyun and he’s a dog hybrid, but we get along just fine basically because he’s never here. I’m not sick, why are you asking?” jeno responds. jaemin loves that about jeno, he always answers anything and everything jaemin asks him.

jaemin doubts, maybe he shouldn’t ask but... who’s he trying to fool, he’s going to ask anyway.

“what are those then?” he says as he walks slowly behind jeno. he sits on the bed when jeno pats the place beside himself.

“oh! those are my suppressants. my heat’s, like, super close. I need to take them, so I don’t go all hormone crazy. nothing to worry about, nana” he explains kindly, and jaemin is once again reminded of the differences between them. of how is jeno seen by others. jeno turns on the bluetooth of his phone and starts playing some music. the first song he plays is getaway car by taylor swift and that kind of triggers jaemin for some unknown reason.

“doesn’t it bother you?” jaemin blurts.

jeno looks up from his phone where he was texting renjun, “what?” he wonders. a look of confusion softens his face.

“like” jaemin starts, he really wants to ask, but he needs to do it without sounding like a douchebag. “this? doesn’t it bother you to have to take those pills? or not be able to share classes with humans? to not be able to join a sports team? to live on this side of the campus? doesn’t it bother you to be _different_?”

jeno looks at him for a second, and his gaze is not hostile nor disgusted nor angry, he looks like he’s thinking. but, jaemin panics. “I mean! of course you know I don’t mean it like an insult, right? I’m just curious! please don’t think I’m an asshole again! sorry. sorry!” jaemin rants, anxiety crawling its way from his stomach to his throat.

“hey! nana! nana, it’s okay. nana, not this again” jeno tries, one of his hands on jaemin’s shoulder and the other on his neck, “I never thought you were an asshole nor any of the colorful insults you always have ready to throw at yourself. it’s not like that, why are you so hard on yourself? I was just thinking how to answer” he says, his eyes wide and nose scrunched, he sounds so disappointed.

taylor swift sings about never having a shotgun shot in the dark, and jaemin, with jeno’s hands on his body like that, caring and kind, hopes to have at least one chance, at least a teeny tiny one, with jeno.

“I’m sorry, jen” he apologizes, as he always does.

“there’s no need to apologize, nana. look, what do you see me as? do you think I’m different from you? no—wait. do you think I’m inferior? of course we are different, but do you see me as less than you?”

jaemin shakes his head vigorously, “of course not! I would never, jen! how could I when you are-“ jaemin stops himself. what is exactly he going to say? this bright? this beautiful? this kind and intelligent? this lovely? “this amazing” he settles instead. jeno’s thumb starts caressing his neck, and jaemin doesn’t know if it is unconscious or not, but he becomes a livewire under the attention.

jeno smiles, warmly “it doesn’t bother me, nana” he answers then. “I know who I am, the people I care about know who I am. the world is changing and someday things will be different. it doesn’t bother me because I know my truth, I don’t need anything else”

jaemin looks at him, the sun is shining bright on the sky and he looks at jeno and—he’s so bright. his dark eyes are so sincere and so earnest and so strong. jaemin raises his hand without noticing it and then—then his hand is on jeno’s cheek and jeno. jeno fucking purrs right in front of him. jaemin puts his thumb on jeno’s mouth and caresses it and jeno just keeps purring and purring and jaemin is just so hot all over all of sudden. he stares at jeno’s mouth, and stares and stares until he gets bold and says “I want… to kiss you so badly”

jeno opens his eyes, cloudy and dazed and jaemin is _on fire_. “kiss me” jeno tells him. his voice a hoarse whisper. and so jaemin does.

he closes the distance between them and kisses him softly, then pulls away for an instant. jeno opens his eyes, this time surprised and alert, like he wasn’t expecting jaemin to actually do it, and a blush starts its way from his ears all the way to his neck, his piercings glisten in the light that enters the room through the window and he looks _so cute_ but he also looks _so hot._ jaemin is going to die. “I’m gonna do it again” he warns jeno, and promptly leans in.

at first jeno is frozen, his mouth soft against jaemin’s without moving, but then he opens it a little bit and then—then they’re kissing. jaemin kisses and kisses him until they can’t breathe and their faces are hot. he kisses jeno and jeno purrs and kisses him back just as furiously. at some point, jeno tugs jaemin into his lap and they keep kissing like that, lips bitten red and breaths ragged. jeno’s tail wraps itself around jaemin’s waist and his hands hold him tight by his love handles, then he starts going down and kisses his neck and jaemin unravels, his body alive with jeno, jeno, jeno.

jeno’s hands start going up jaemin’s shirt, caress his ribs and back, and his mouth goes back to jaemin’s.

“jeno” jaemin says between kisses, a bubble of words opening its way through his chest, “jeno. jeno”

jeno kisses his cheek, “yeah. tell me, nana. tell me” he says, breath hot on jaemin’s face.

“jeno, you’re an angel” jaemin rants. “jeno” he moans as jeno goes back to kissing his neck. “jeno. you’re so hot, and so amazing, and when you look at me, I feel like I come alive”

“yeah?” jeno says on the crook of his neck, “and what else?” he presses.

jaemin gasps as jeno sucks a hickey on his collarbone, his cat ears tickle jaemin’s jaw and he instinctively grabs them to pet them and that—that causes jeno to let out the loudest moan ever. jaemin is shaken by the intensity of it, the way it rumbles inside jeno’s chest against jaemin’s.

“nana. do that again, oh my god” jeno says, breathless. continues his work of marking jaemin, and so jaemin does, caresses jeno’s ears again and soon, soon he feels it. jeno’s hard under him. _oh my god_.

“jen” jaemin tries, suddenly realizing the situation they’re in. he’s hard, jeno’s hard, they’re making out on jeno’s bed. “jeno”

“yes. yes. what do you want, nana?” jeno raises his head, kisses jaemin.

jaemin knows then, whatever this is, it is happening.

they kiss again, languidly and fervent, and jaemin starts touching jeno’s ears again.

soon, jeno’s hand is in jaemin’s pants as he jerks jaemin off, while all jaemin can do is pant on the crown of jeno’s head. “jeno” he starts again, “jeno, don’t stop. oh my god”

jeno’s hand moves faster on jaemin’s dick, and jaemin wants to reciprocate, wants jeno to feel as good as he’s making him feel, but when he tries to get his hand on jeno’s cock, jeno tells him to please keep caressing his ears.

turns out, jeno is not only capable of coming by having his ears touched, but he also comes before jaemin does. but that’s like, so hot, that it’s what triggers jaemin’s orgasm. so strikingly strong that it blinds him for a second, while jeno pants over his collarbones.

it’s strange because, usually, when the high is over and jaemin is cold headed enough to think about his actions, he always finds a way to blame or beat himself over something, but as jeno kisses his cheek softly, he can only find in himself to feel great.

oh god, he just jerked off with lee jeno, and he’s super fine about it.

this is _the_ time to be alive.

(that’s not exactly what he thinks when he’s alone in his dorm later after jeno walked him all the way there and kissed him at his doorstep, after he has convinced himself that what happened was just something without importance to jeno and that he’s, once again, projecting his feelings.

na jaemin is, as a matter of fact, an idiot).

-

donghyuck’s debate is on sunday. he promised to go, not only to jeno—who, by the way, he hasn’t contacted since friday after what happened, even if jeno _has_ tried to talk to him and has sent him many messages. the guilt of what happened trapping jaemin and stopping him from even seeing jeno's messages—, but also to donghyuck himself.

jaemin spends his day moping, angsting and suffering about what he's going to say to jeno when he inevitably has to face him, should he like pretend it didn’t happen? maybe acknowledge it and just joke about it (“ha! your dick was just as hard as mine and your kisses literally taste like paradise and sin mixed up together!”) maybe even laugh at his own feelings? (“I think I’m falling in love with you even though we have known each other for like a month and a half? isn’t it funny!) maybe he should… ignore jeno? figure himself out, cry a little about it, ask mark and yukhei for cuddles and some sheering that won't really help, cry a little more and suffer because he just can’t let go of the things that bother or hurt him. ah, so many options.

when the time comes, as he walks slowly to the auditorium where the debate is going to be held, he notices that there are many, many people waiting in line to enter, and he feels happy for a moment thinking how the hybrid debate club worked hard for this, for the interest, the recognition. this is what they deserve.

to enter, jaemin has to give his full name to a guy standing by the door, he has a piercing on his eyebrow and that makes jaemin want to cry.

“oh! you’re jeno’s companion! he’s been waiting for you, row 1, seat 6” the guy says. oh lord, here it comes. the confrontation. jaemin’s going to puke.

he walks to the seat he was directed to and there jeno is. his black hair looking neatly disheveled, he’s concentrated on his phone, the tank top he’s wearing shows off his tattoo sleeve and the muscles of his arms. he looks absolutely delicious, which contrasts amazingly with the _super cute_ smile he gives jaemin when he detects him standing in front of him.

“nana!” jeno says excitedly, the purest expression on his face. this is not good™ for jaemin. “have you been busy? I’ve trying to talk to you, but you didn’t answer your phone” he asks, a pout on his pretty, thin lips that drive jaemin crazy.

“I. I—no. I mean, yes. I’ve been kind busy, sorry” jaemin answers, he takes his seat and promptly gives his best effort to keep as quiet as humanly possible.

to his luck, the debate starts almost as soon as he takes his seat, a professor introducing the teams and the topic, the rules and how is the winner going to be chosen.

it is… so spectacular. jaemin already knew the topic but the situation is incredible, donghyuck’s team is amazing but so is the other team; the arguments of both sides are solid and catch jaemin’s attention, and get him so into it that he _almost_ doesn’t notice when jeno puts his hand over his and then interlocks them. jaemin trembles inside. he’s distracted the rest of the debate, but pays attention the best he can and takes mental notes to use this topic for his socio-politics classes later, when the debate is coming to an end, every member of the team needs to close their discourse, and what donghyuck says touches jaemin’s heart in many ways.

“the world is changing” he starts, “we all know who we are. if we know our truth, then why should we violently impose equality?”

jaemin turns to look at jeno, but jeno is already looking at him “I told him that” he whispers with a smile, and suddenly the weigh of his hand on jaemin's is less constricting and more welcoming. he _needs_ to fix things with jeno, they need to talk this through.

donghyuck’s team loses, because their closing arguments weren’t as strong as the opposite team, but everyone in the debate club is really happy for the attendance and interest the rest of the campus—humans, hybrids, professors and workers—showed on their last activity of the semester. at the end, everyone won.

the gig they have organized is at the soccer field, there’s a simple stage where some local bands and some members of the debate club (like donghyuck himself) are gonna sing and dance. there are already some people there, even though the event doesn’t start for another hour. when they are able to leave the auditorium, jeno takes jaemin to the back of the science and arts faculty—where the debate was held—and corners him.

“jeno. what?” jaemin says in a breath. jeno stands before him with a deep frown on his face.

they stare at each other for a few seconds, jaemin feels like he’s about to catch on fire under jeno’s gaze, and then jeno kisses him.

contrary to how jeno looked before, the kiss is soft and hesitant, sad and apologetic. “why are you acting this way?” jeno asks, pleads to know. “did I do something wrong? you have to tell me, nana. don’t leave me in the dark”

jaemin gapes at him. “what” jeno kisses him again, this time a little more persuasive and intense, but still as soft and hesitant as before.

“jaemin” he repeats, “you need to tell me what’s bothering you” he kisses him again, chastely. “what’s wrong?”

jaemin babbles, “nothing’s wrong. why should something be wrong?”

jeno pulls away, his face looks _hurt_ and jaemin instantly regrets what he just said.

jeno’s cat ears are glued to his head when he speaks again, and know that jaemin actually knows that it means that he’s scared and hesitant, he feels like he should just jump off the tallest building on campus, on the city, because he made jeno feel like that.

“jaemin” he says, “am I reading this wrong?”

jaemin splutters, “this? what’s this?” his heart hammering in his chest.

jeno frowns deeply again, “jaemin, do you like me?”

oh, okay. so it was that easy to be direct. jaemin blinks, then a rush of anxiousness gets him ranting. “no. jeno, do _you_ like me? I mean, I won’t blame you if you don’t. I’m me and you are you, and I wouldn’t like to be with me, honestly. I know what happened the other day, but I hope you know that I don’t pretend to cuff you! and me liking you doesn’t change anything, you’re free to do as you please and to live your life however you want to and you don’t owe me anything and I don’t mind if you don’t like me, even if I think I’m falling in love with you, which is stupid because-“

jeno puts his hand on jaemin’s mouth to stop him, there’s a sad look on his face, his mouth frowning. “jaemin” he pleads, begs, “jaemin, why are you always this hard on yourself?”

he takes his hand off jaemin’s face, and jaemin’s voice shakes as he answers “I don’t know! I don’t know, okay! I just am! I now I said that bunch of bullshit and you’re just here! listening and looking at me this way that makes me want to hold on to you forever, what the fuck! I’m so sorry, please don’t hate me” he explodes, his chest heaves and jeno just. keeps. looking. at. him. that. way.

“listen here, na jaemin. listen closely: I really like you. I like you a motherfucking lot. you’re not _you_ in that way you say it, deprecating and terrible. you’re _you_ in the most wonderful way, and even if you don’t believe me, that’s the truth”

“jeno it’s not-“

“and, nana. you need to ask for help. it’s okay to need help, what is not normal is to be that hard on yourself. to feel that way about yourself”

“jeno what even-“ jaemin tries, ashamed and surprised at the turn of events.

“what I’m saying here is that I like you and I really thought we were, like, going somewhere with this thing between us? and you. you said you thought you were falling in love with me? I think that too, y’know? but I need you to say it, and now I also really want you to ask for help, nana. but I think that’s something you need to decide by yourself. right now, I just really want to comfort you and hold your hand and kiss you”

jaemin kisses him. he kisses jeno and thanks him, even if he’s not sure why. he kisses jeno and jeno flushes their bodies together in a hug, his tail wrapping itself around jaemin’s waist again, like that’s where it should be.

“I really like you, so much” jaemin whispers. “I’m really sorry to ignore you. please kiss me and stay with me”

-

becoming jeno’s boyfriend was like _the_ religious experience. again, for jaemin, jeno’s attention is like the sun and he’s a sunflower, grows and glows happily under it.

they visit each other’s hometowns during summer, spend countless nights together and jaemin basks into the light that jeno emits, and one day in august, when he’s about to tell jeno exactly why he couldn’t help him to bake a cake and say just how incapable and trashy he is, jeno grabs him by the wrist with his tail and kisses him soundly until he promptly forgets what he was about to say. then, he decides all by himself that he’s going to get help.

the new semester starts, and they go back to college, but now jeno is always sneaking in and sleeping over at jaemin’s dorm, and now jaemin spends his time differently than before: now he gets help when he angsts, tries his best to look at the bright side of the things that make him feel anxious, is learning to let go of the things that bring him down, and smooches his hot _cute_ boyfriend in every opportunity he gets.

things really are _never_ as bad as he thinks they are.

**Author's Note:**

> i wish i knew what drove me to write something like this, but i don't  
> so here: things /are/ going to be fine! 
> 
> my twitter is @xiaohyuckie and i'm always there to talk about anything! I'm roooooooooting for you babessss


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